Helping Your Child Cope With Divorce

Divorce can be a great next step for a couple when staying married is no longer an option. Following divorce, both people in the marriage can move on with their lives and discover who they are and what they really want. It can be a new beginning.

But when there are children involved in the divorce things can be a little bit more complicated. Here are five ways that parents can help their children cope with divorce.

Tell them you love them

It is essential when parents are getting divorced for them to reassure their children often that they love them. They can also explain that though their parents will no longer be married and may not love each other anymore, they will never stop loving them. Parents can also tell their children how important they are to them and that they want them to be happy.

Discuss changes together

Many things may be changing for the children when their parents are getting divorced. They may be moving, changing schools, having to make new friends, being watched over by new people, and seeing one parent less than they may be used to seeing them. It is a good idea for parents to take the time to sit down with their children and discuss the changes that will be happening and why. This way there will be less surprises for the children to deal with. Even if the changes are hard, at least they will be aware of them and can do more to prepare themselves.

Tell the truth

It is important for each parent to tell their children the truth about why they are getting divorced. Parents can tailor the explanation to the age of the child. Something simple, such as, "we don't get along anymore" can be a sufficient explanation for younger children who do not need a long-winded explanation. 

Older children may want a more detailed explanation. It is ok to tell older children a more detailed version of the reason their parents are getting divorced. But parents should remember not to talk negatively about their ex-spouse in the process. Explaining the facts is enough even if the child wants to talk about it more than once.

Let them talk

Children will have a lot of thoughts and feelings about their parents getting divorced. Parents should allow their children to talk to them about what is going on and about how they are feeling about all of it. During these conversations the job of the parents is mainly just to listen. If it seems like the child needs advice or help and asks for it then the parent can offer some advice.

 

Maintain structure

As much as possible, it is best to maintain structure for the children during and soon after a divorce. Children should have the same bedtime routines and bed time. They should also have the same meal times and if they are participating in any activities such as sports or lessons, they should continue to participate in them. This way the child will feel like some of their world is maintaining stability even though much is changing.

Delicious Autumn Recipes

Autumn is a great time to try some delicious new recipes. Here are some we think you might enjoy.

For Dinner

Taco Soup

1lb. ground beef
1 medium onion, chopped fine
1 can green chiles, undrained
1 can corn, undrained
1 16 oz. can kidney beans, undrained
1 16 oz. can tomato sauce
1 can Rotel tomatoes, original flavor
1 pkg. taco seasoning

Garnishes:
shredded cheese
cilantro
avocado, diced
corn chips (we like chili cheese Fritos)
sour cream
sliced olives

Brown beef with onions until cooked through.  Drain fat.  In a large pot, combine beef and onion mixture with the tomato sauce, kidney beans, corn, tomatoes, taco seasoning, and green chiles.  Simmer, covered, for about 15 minutes and garnish as desired. 

recipe source: http://myrecipeboxx.blogspot.com/2009/12/taco-soup.html

Sweet Pumpkin Cornbread


¼ cup butter, melted
1/3 cup sugar
1 tbsp. honey
1 egg
¼ tsp. baking soda
¼ cup buttermilk
¼ cup pumpkin puree
¼ tsp. salt
½ cup yellow cornmeal
½ cups flour

Preheat oven to 350º. In a bowl, combine butter, sugar, and honey. Whisk in egg, baking soda, buttermilk, then pumpkin. Stir in remaining ingredients, making sure to mix minimally as to not create a tough cornbread. Grease an 8x8 baking pan and bake for 25 minutes. A toothpick should come out clean. Top with honey and serve.

Serve along side Taco Soup

(recipe source: http://www.examiner.com/article/sweet-pumpkin-cornbread) 

And for Dessert

Pumpkin Cookies with Caramel Frosting

Cookies:

1 cup butter, softened
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 cup canned pumpkin
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 tablespoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon cloves
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ginger
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups all-purpose flour

Frosting:

3 tablespoons butter
1/4 cup heavy cream
1 cup confectioners’ sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
Pinch of salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugars. Add eggs and vanilla and mix well. Stir in pumpkin. In a medium bowl, sift together the baking soda, cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg, ginger, salt and flour. Add to pumpkin mixture and mix well.  Drop by heaping tablespoons onto a lightly greased cookie sheet. Bake for 10-12 minutes.

To make frosting: In a medium saucepan, combine butter, cream, and brown sugar over medium heat.  Cook, stirring occasionally, until mixture just begins to boil; remove from heat and stir in vanilla. Cool then stir in confectioner’s sugar.  Spread frosting over cooled cookies.

 

recipe source: http://www.letsdishrecipes.com/2010/10/pumpkin-cookies-with-carmel-frosting.html#.UU-M-eLnbPw

 

Fun Fall Activity Ideas for the whole family

Go on a Hike

Going on a hike in the fall is a great way to enjoy the cooler autumn weather and see the changing leaves up close.  There are many different trails in Ogden and even a family with little children can enjoy a short hike to see the red, orange, and yellow leaves and enjoy a view of the Ogden valley. On the hike, younger kids might enjoy collecting the colorful leaves. Here is a great link for more information on Ogden hiking trails http://www.utah.com/ogden/hiking_trails.htm.

Visit a Pumpkin Patch

Visiting a pumpkin patch can be such a fun tradition for the whole family to do each autumn. No matter what age your children (or grandchildren) are, there will be something for them to enjoy at a pumpkin patch. You will usually find at least one corn maze, a hay ride to pick your own pumpkin, a courtyard with activities such as pig races, slides, and a bonfire, and even a haunted house.

Rake Leaves

The best way to make work not seem like work is to turn it into a fun activity. And while raking leaves can be time consuming and labor intensive, having the kids help you can turn it into a fun fall family activity! Many young kids love to help out with yard work when they have their own tools.  You can purchase small plastic rakes at Wal-Mart or Target and the kids can help to make a leaf pile perfect for jumping in.

Make Caramel Apples

Yum! Caramel apples are delicious and very simple to make. There are many caramel apple recipes available online. Many of these recipes require only apples, sticks, caramel candies, and milk.  And there are many options to add to a regular caramel apple such as melted white or milk chocolate, crushed cookies, or even sprinkles.

Carve Pumpkins

Carving pumpkins is a lot of fun. There are many different designs to choose from. You can choose  to carve a simple smile faced pumpkin free hand or get really elaborate and print off a pumpkin carving template that you find online to carve a very intricate design. Of course this activity is safest for older children and adults. But the little ones can help scoop out the inside of the pumpkin and enjoy the finish product.

Throw a Halloween Party

If you are really ambitious, throwing a Halloween party can be a lot of fun. The party can be geared toward children, families, or you could throw one for adults only. There are so many fun Halloween activities for parties such as bobbing for apples, donuts on a string, pin the face on the pumpkin, and a Halloween themed piñata.  There are also a lot of creative ideas for Halloween party food available online (think green, orange, and red food!) to help make the party extra special.

5 Tips to Help You Move on After Divorce

1. Allow yourself time to grieve

Divorce is a big deal and it is ok to take time to be sad and upset. Divorce can take its toll on you both mentally and physically. Don't be too hard on yourself if you don't feel like you can enjoy the activities you used to take pleasure in.  And if you are concerned that if you let yourself grieve you will never return to normal life, you can put a time frame for your grief period. Figure out how long you need to feel sad and set an end date. Although this may seem silly, it can help you get back on track after a healthy grieving period.

2. Embrace your single life

While the single life is definitely different from marriage, for many people it can be a refreshing time to rediscover who they really are. Take time to figure out who you really are and what you like to do. Have fun. Enjoy not being in a relationship for a little while.

3. Find good friends or a support group

Having good friends, especially those who are single, can be very helpful during and after your divorce. It can be hard to relate to your friends who are still married, but having a friend or two who have gone through a divorce, and understand what a roller coaster it can be, can be great to talk to. 

A divorce support group can offer the same relief to you both during and after a divorce. Sometimes it may be hard to find other single friends or single parents so attending a divorce support group can help you find others who have experienced similar situations. And it is also possible for you to find friends from the support group.

4. Take good care of yourself

Among all of the chaos that can be divorce, make sure to take time for yourself. You deserve time for a night out with friends, a good dinner, a candle lit bubble bath, or time playing golf. Make sure to schedule this time in your week. This can be especially important if you are now a single parent. Figure out who can watch your child or children for even just an hour so that you can relax and regroup.

5.  Look forward to your future

Yes, the future can look scary. It may seem daunting to look at your future without someone by your side. The obstacles that appear  may seem overwhelming. But instead of being weighed down, look at the positive aspects of your new freedom and future. What have you always wanted to do that your past relationship didn't allow? What do you want to do with your life? Make a plan to make the future you want become a reality.

About Your Attorney

Ammon is the sole member/manager of Ammon Nelson Law, PLLC.  He has a background in a variety of legal fields, including divorce, custody, estate planning, business law (both transactions and litigation), and general litigation. Ammon attended Weber State University for his undergraduate work and later graduated with honors from the University of Utah S.J. Quinney College of Law.

Ammon received a Pro Bono Certificate for completing fifty hours of legal work for Utah Legal Services during law school by representing victims of domestic violence in Utah State Court. He was also a Senior Associate at the University Venture Fund, an 18 million dollar fund where he reviewed and analyzed the documents for complex venture capital transactions, performed business and legal due diligence, and tracked the progress of a multi-million dollar portfolio company. Ammon received a CALI Award in his New Ventures class which dealt primarily with legal contract strategy in complex business and intellectual property transactions.
Ammon is on the board of the Weber/Davis Estate Planning Council and is licensed to represent clients in Utah State Court, Utah Federal District Court, Small Claims Court, Bankruptcy Court, and Justice Court.

Prior to forming Ammon Nelson Law, PLLC, Ammon was an associate attorney at Burton Law Firm and a law clerk at Smith Knowles in Ogden, Utah and Martin, Shudt, Wallace, DiLorenzo, and Johnson in New York.  At each of these firms Ammon provided legal services in the areas of divorce, custody, personal injury, contract, real estate, estate planning, probate, and a variety of other legal areas.

When Ammon is not helping others with their legal matters, he enjoys spending time with the most important people in his life, his wife and kids.  He also enjoys playing basketball, golf, and tennis, and traveling.